By now, everyone is familiar with the red blotch that appears on Peyton Manning’s forehead after he removes his helmet. Obviously, these blotches appear because of the padding inside Manning’s helmet. Or does it? …
Just for fun … let’s get some wagering into precisely what time we’ll see this mysterious red forehead blotch appear during the Dallas Cowboys vs. Denver Broncos broadcast on Sunday. I’m thinking … early in the second quarter.
I have a theory … along with several questions. Is it possible that Peyton Manning’s brain actually grows during the course of a game? Does his helmet have a pump for inflatable pads? Does it glow in the dark? Does it get redder as Eli gets more overshadowed? Is he able to communicate with aliens? Does he emit radiation for opposing players? Does he have a twin that’s trying to escape from within?
I digress. Back to my theory. Bare with me. I think this relates to the Big Bang, somehow. Sure scientist have their version, but let’s consider this. I believe that there is a unique combination of molecular activity (accelerated by beer/hotdog expulsion gasses) that occur during every football game. All we need is a trigger! Some kind of spark. Some kind of conduit. Anything could set it off! Let’s say some foreign imbalance of gases enter the AT&T Stadium atmosphere. For example, Jerry Jones dressing up as a concessions vendor … selling a $7 hot dog in the stands, could trigger something! JJ does love money! We know this! It could emit some kind of super-human testosterone gas when he jubilantly sticks the tax-free cash in his pocket! Atoms smashing … neutrons and electrons flowing like a mofo! Then, you add this renegade molecule into the Jerry’s sealed off dome! Holy shit!!!
I sense some apprehension from you, the reader. Let me back myself up with some facts (or reasonable facsimiles). Governments have spent billions on super-conducting super-colliders. Clearly, there is something to this atom smashing thing! All the while, Peyton Manning’s brain cells have been on a superhuman evolution course all by themselves. Evidence has been present since his final days in Indianapolis. Since then, the blotch is getting bigger! It’s getting redder! It’s probably getting hotter! Did the Colts organization suspect and cover-up any of this? Note the devilish facial expression! Pure evil! The Colts moved on, mysteriously, and ended up with the franchise savior … Andrew Luck.
Then, there’s this. The year he disappeared! What’s up with that? Was he transported somewhere? Did he have intrusive or exploratory brain surgery? Was ‘something’ injected into his super brain? After all, he can read defenses! This is a superpower that no other NFL quarterback posses! We’d hear about it if other quarterbacks had this mysterious power!
Was he probed? If so, did he like it? Did they also capture Eli? Was his little brain gene injecting into Peyton skull? Think about it. Eli has struggled this year! Doesn’t seem quite like himself. Hmmmm.
Moving on. If my theory is right, stuff will happen “Under the Dome” on Sunday afternoon! AT&T has connections! AT&T is powerful too! Jerry Jones knows this! He accepted millions of dollars recently for the stadium naming rights! Jerry resisted other suitors for years! Called it Cowboys Stadium to throw us all off his grand scheme. Then, suddenly … in the same exact year that Peyton Manning’s superhuman, super-colliding, super-conducting brain was scheduled … pooff, we have a deal! Coincidence? I think not!
Now, for the meat of this article. I believe AT&T has sponsored Peyton Manning’s forehead. That’s right! You read it here first!
Manning is notorious for his commercial ventures! This is a fact that you cannot deny! I truly expect the AT&T logo to emerge from Peyton’s forehead. I don’t know if it’ll be neon, just saying … it’s happening! If you’ll just for once, rethink possible! Just look at the red splotch. It fits perfectly!
It could get worse. If the gases and molecules collide in some unthinkable combination, like never before … Peyton’s super-colliding super-conduction superhuman brain could merge with the telephone giant! Don’t be surprised if you see lightning come from Jerry’s huge stadium monitor and start the whole damn thing! There will be a BIG BANG! The stage is set. The world is watching. All of Peyton Manning’s thoughts (or his aliens leaders) will then be broadcasted on that big ass monitor! Inside, thousands upon thousands, of Dallas Cowboys fans fall victim. FOX’s conspiracy theorists will be in heaven! Your smartphone will actually get smarter! Jerry Jones will sell Peyton Manning super-colliding, super-conducting, superhuman brain t-shirts. (They’re probably already printed).
Dallas, with all of it’s might, have only one chance to foil this plan. The Dallas Cowboys must defeat the Denver Broncos! They can stop this madness! DeMarcus Ware must sack the superhuman and ground his super-colliding, super-conducting, superhuman brain to the brand new negative charging super-turf at AT&T stadium. Dez, on his way to the end zone, can throw a cup of Tom Brady’s neutron spiked Powerade on Peyton Manning’s forehead. Jay Ratliff could turn off the electricity to that big ass monitor! He’s not doing anything else, right? Denver has not played in a dome this season. Let’s hope someone opens the rooftop this Sunday! Just in case. This could neutralize the whole damn thing! A parody, of course.
Your comments (and theories) are welcome.
Updated 01-10-2014 …
The NFL’s Divisional Round in the playoffs start in a few days. As you are all aware, the ‘Polar Vortex’ that put a significant freeze on the United States this week has finally subsided. It left Niagara Falls partially frozen and wrecked havoc on the Wild Card weekend home teams. Only the domed Indianapolis Colts survived the first wave of playoff home contenders. This once-in-twenty-year weather phenomenon may NOT be a coincidence. I suspect that Peyton Manning’s superhuman, super-colliding, super-conducting brain was able to bring about this ‘timely’ weather event. Take note that Andrew Luck was one of the surviving playoff quarterbacks. He was protected by the Dome (and probably his far from groomed facial hair). Sets up an AFC showdown … pitting the hairy savior Andrew Luck against Peyton Manning arch nemesis … Tom Brady. The drama continues …
This photo of Peyton Manning surfaced today. Yes, his forehead is larger. Notice the emerging horns protruding upwards from his eyebrows … the snarl … and his piercing evil eyes. Peyton Manning mile-high forehead is gaining ground and super powers. His neck also appears to be getting longer. I’m not sure of the significance of that. Just an observation. Stay tuned.
Dallas Cowboys preparations and scouting report for the Denver Broncos. From Bryan Broaddus, Football Analyst and former scout for the Dallas Cowboys:
No position on this squad has struggled more with injuries than the defensive ends. George Selvie, who has been the starter since training camp, has yet to pass the protocol test that will allow him to even practice after his concussion. Each missed practice makes him doubtful for the game against the Broncos. If that is the case, Kyle Wilber will make the start on the left side with Edgar Jones and Caesar Rayford as the backups. I have always believed that Wilber is better suited to play on the right side, but there really isn’t much of a choice because of the injury situation. An interesting prospect that I am hearing of potentially getting a call up from the practice squad is Jason Vega. If you remember last season, Ronald Leary and James Hanna were stars on the scout teams, and now are playing meaningful snaps. There have been a lot of positive thoughts about Vega and the type of juice that he shows off the edge. The longer Selvie takes, the more likely we could see a call up at week’s end.
Down The Field
Much has been said over the past several weeks about the conservative game plan in regard to throwing the ball down the field. I am clearly in the minority here, but I am not for throwing the ball down the field just for the sake of doing it. I have always believed that you run plays that give your offense the best chance to succeed. The “4” or in route to Dez Bryant is an outstanding call. The deep slant that he scored on against the Chargers was another good play. Jason Witten running the post corner over the years has been money. Given time, those are throws that Tony Romo can make all day, but there is also a time and situation for those calls. The Broncos have a very aggressive safety in Duke Ihenacho who will come forward on play action fakes. Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie in the past has had his issues carrying receivers down the field, and Chris Harris on the other side is not the best athlete, so when the ball goes behind him, there have been some struggles. With all that being said, there will be opportunities for Romo and this offense to potentially have some good looks down the field on Sunday — for the right reasons.
The cornerback currently playing at the highest level on this Dallas Cowboys squad is Orlando Scandrick. Where Scandrick helps you in this game is his ability to not only play well on the outside, but he gives you a chance to deny the ball to Wes Welker out of the slot. Where Scandrick will have an advantage in this game is that he has faced Welker before when the Cowboys plays New England. For the majority of that day, he pitched a shutout. There is something to be said for understanding how a player like Welker is going to try and work you off the line. You have heard me say this many times before: playing slot corner is no bargain because of the two-way go the receiver can use against you. Orlando Scandrick has always been a player that played with mental sharpness, even though there have been times where he wasn’t as sharp as he needed to be with his technique. But he has put that behind him. Scandrick will have studied Welker to the point where he will have his own game plan for how to handle him, so now it’s about making that game plan work.
If this Cowboys offense is going to indeed make some attempts to throw the ball down the field, the front of the pocket is going to have to be clean for Romo to step forward and make those throws. The responsibility for that clean pocket is going to fall on the shoulders of Ronald Leary, Travis Frederick and Brian Waters. Where the Broncos are going to counter is with Kevin Vickerson and Terrance Knighton — two massive defensive tackles who are more than just two dump trucks sitting inside and taking up space. Vickerson and Knighton will do more than just push the front of the pocket, they are active and there are snaps where Jack Del Rio will put them on the move allowing them to show some quickness getting up the field. Where the Cowboys match up well here is that both Leary and Waters tend to play with their own power when it comes to taking on rushers that play with strength. Where Leary tends to get in trouble is with the quicker, smaller guys and that is the last things these two tackles are. During his time with the Cowboys, Waters has shown the ability to sit down on rushers and hold them in place. Where Frederick has also been good is helping across the pocket with his awareness when he has been uncovered. If Tony Romo and the offense are going to have success throwing the ball, keep an eye on how well their inside three play against these Broncos defensive tackles who can be a load to handle inside. It should be a good matchup.
Bryan Broaddus breaks down film on Peyton Manning.
2013-2014 PREGAME MEDIA DAY: Dallas Cowboys vs. Denver Broncos coaches and quarterbacks speak to opposing media
IRVING, Texas – Of course, with as popular a topic as Peyton Manning has been around Valley Ranch this year, it was inevitable the topic would come up when the Broncos showed up on the schedule.
With his team set to travel to AT&T Stadium this weekend, Manning was questioned about Dallas Cowboys owner/general manager Jerry Jones’ offseason comments that he wanted Tony Romo to have the same level of involvement in the Cowboys’ offense as Manning has in Denver.
But Manning didn’t bite when asked how he reacted to those comments
“I didn’t take it any way,” he said. “I’m the wrong one to ask that – it’s a question for (Jones). I can’t give you a good answer there.”
Manning was even more modest when asked to describe his reputation for time spent at work – particularly during the season.
“Every quarterback that is starting in this league multiple years puts in time. Otherwise you just don’t keep your starting job,” he said. “I feel like I do what I need to do to get ready to play. But any quarterback that’s a starter year after year, I promise you, they’re putting work in – in the facility, on their own – otherwise it shows up and you lose your job.”
Broncos coach John Fox was a little more forthright regarding Manning’s work week.
“He doesn’t take days off – his Tuesday is preparing and looking at tape, to doing what we call go back cut-ups. He prepares extremely hard,” Fox said. “But from what I’ve seen on tape, Tony is playing terrific.”
Cowboys coach Jason Garrett said Monday that Romo would be meeting with the coaching staff about game preparation in the early going of game week.
“He watches a lot of tape on his own and we sit and visit. That’s typically more, not so much on Monday — Monday is more about wrapping up yesterday’s game,” he said. “Then, this part of the day, we all start getting into the upcoming opponent. He’ll spend time watching tape today, watching tape tomorrow and we’ll visit at different points tomorrow.”
Monte Kiffin on staying upbeat
Dallas Cowboys defensive coordinator Monte Kiffin knows the challenge presented ahead to him by facing Peyton Manning one week after failing to produce against the Chargers.
Kiffin didn’t offer any secrets to containing the quarterback, whom he described as maybe the best at his position of all time, but Kiffin knows confidence is essential for his defensive group after last week’s performance.
“It’s a big challenge for us,” Kiffin said (Video | Audio). “We should be fired up. Like I said, I’ve got the 24-hour rule. I think this week it was 48 hours, but it’s over with now. We walk in there Wednesday morning, let’s go. What a great challenge.”
Kiffin said the Cowboys can’t allow one touchdown to get them out of their game, and they’ve also got to hang in as best as possible to minimize the long, explosive plays that have allowed Manning to throw 16 touchdown passes without an interception. He knows that will be a challenge, because there aren’t any looks Manning’s unfamiliar with.
“Come on, the guy hit seven (touchdowns) the first week of the season,” Kiffin said. “Good God, let’s go back and play.”
Kiffin said Manning may be playing better now than he ever has in his career. After a week of struggles against Philip Rivers, this weekend will be the toughest challenge to date for the Cowboys’ defensive backs, including Morris Claiborne, who had his struggles last week. With the Cowboys employing mostly the nickel package against the Broncos, he’ll continue to find his way onto the field this week.
“He’s been off a little bit,” Kiffin said. “He was hurt, you know. I think that sets you back a little bit. I’m not making excuses. He’s a great kid, a great young man. He’s bounced back. He made some really good plays, too.